I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
