he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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