i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
