Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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