you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
