Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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