She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
