Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
