"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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