oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
