lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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