The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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