You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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