Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize