We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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