Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
