I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
