VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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