why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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