WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
