I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
