And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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