after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
