you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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