i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
