How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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