Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
