Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
