You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Non-Jews are for practice
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
