I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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