And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
