No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Farmville is her only friend.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
