once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
