This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
