then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
