i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
