the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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