I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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