The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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