it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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