i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
