i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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