they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
