So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
