I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
