you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're a waste of cheezeits
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
