My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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