Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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