I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
whose parrot is this?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
