something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
