What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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