Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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