the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
