One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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