shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
