I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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