I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
