In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
