umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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