the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
