i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
