I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
