I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So many bounce houses so little time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
