I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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