you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
