I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
