I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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