Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
