I'm gonna have a badass scar
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
