Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
