Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
