This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
