epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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