i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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