:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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