I skipped work to stalk him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize