Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
