What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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