i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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