Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my being single is dangerous.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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