dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
