tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
