I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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