dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
