At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
