I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
