I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
